I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
