I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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