After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
