my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dick very happy bro
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
