Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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