We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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