ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
