If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
