Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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