he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
