i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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