i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
