nut hugger
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
