Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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