i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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