Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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