genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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