Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
