I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
this is an emotional support booty call
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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