I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
