Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
