What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
