in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
