I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
soo... how was my night?
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