Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
