Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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