party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
