I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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