She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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