they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
