That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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