i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
