You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize