Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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