A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
