i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
