Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
