oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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