I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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