Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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