Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
