A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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