My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
