i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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