anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
