We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
