all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
