he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
