I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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