you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
