In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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