what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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