We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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