alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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