and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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