He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize