I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
