Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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