We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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