Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
farters have to be the big spoon...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
