Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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