So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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