I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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