u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
