Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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