You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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